her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Terrible idea I love it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
