its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
did i just pee glitter
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
