my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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