I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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