i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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