he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
