he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
