Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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