Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
