Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
