Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
