I could make wine with my vomit
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
