Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
