Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
