Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
