My Higher Power is John Stamos
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
