Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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