woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
