i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
