He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
