well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
