i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
