The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
