I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
ok first of all what the fuck
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
