Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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