my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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