That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
