felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
