I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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