I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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