I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize