He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
