if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
