i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
