Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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