I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
