I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
