i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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