Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
