that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.