dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
