after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.