dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.