I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she smelled like a LAN party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize