She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You made out with two different species that night
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.