Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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