Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
