If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
