Please, let me fuck your mom
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
