Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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