i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
