I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
