Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
