you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
