If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
