Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
