So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Two words: blizzard sex
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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