At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
