I'm really into asian looking animals
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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