return my video game
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
