I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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