make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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