I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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