I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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