Im at strip club and am horny
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
