I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
