What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
