i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
