She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
