so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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