I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
