So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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