I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
