So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
