Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
