Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
