if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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