Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
