I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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