So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
