I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
