I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
