It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
40s are totally the cure
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
