i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
