I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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