how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
