did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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