if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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