he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
