why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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