Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
