I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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