the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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