FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
